You Did What?

Last night Kevin was working late so the boys and I went ahead and started eating dinner. As usual when Kevin gets home right in the middle of dinner, the boys stop eating and start talking to daddy. You would think the boys had not seen their dad in forever the way they attack him every night. So last night the conversation went like this:

Todd: Daddy, Kyle peeded on my head.

Kevin: What!? Kyle, that is disgusting. How did that happen, in the bath tub?

Kyle: No daddy. I did not pee on Todd, I peeded in my face.

Kev: (again) What?

Ky: I was at the potty going go pee pee and it was facing up and pee hit me in the face. It also hit Todd in the leg.

T: concurring with this...he apparently got it wrong about who got pee in the face

Kev: (laughing) Kyle, when that happens you have to try to push it down and aim for the toilet.

Ky: But daddy it was hard, and it hurt to push it down.

Kev: (laughing so hard he can hardly breathe) Well, you have to stand back from the potty and arc it in...

Really, is this what I have to put up with living in a house of boys. It was rather hysterical watching Kevin demonstrate and explain the mechanics of peeing when "it" is hard. I thought I was going to fall out of my chair laughing. Of course Kevin gets this duty as I have no clue about any of that boy stuff.

And....it finally happened to me. Some random "well I must say something" lady corrected my children on a supposed infraction with me not an arms distance away. Also last night, on the way home from picking the boys up from school I stopped at Fresh Market (the special grocery store according to the boys). I was looking for shallots. Why they are in the cool section away from all the other onions I have not a clue...does not seem like smart placement to me. Anyway, looking for the now impossible to find shallots, I am half distracted and keep telling the boys to stop it and don't touch. They, not more than an arms reach from me, go right up to the section where the lettuces are. Of course they reach up to touch them...according to Kyle he "wanted to touch the ice." Two little sections over 2 red peppers and a celery root roll of the shelf and fall to the floor. This random, I don't know who she thinks she is, lady looks at the boys and says..."I don't think that is the way to behave in the grocery store. You should not throw the vegetables." Ummm, excuse me. My kids did not even touch the peppers. I look right at her and tell her..."They did not touch the vegetables." She comes back with some lame comment and I again tell her...."they did not touch them." She proceeds to pick them up off the floor and put them back. About a minute later the celery root rolls off on the floor again. I did not see her any where in the store after that.

I told Kevin this last night and he was quite in awe of my restraint. My kids are not perfect. They misbehave and half the time do not listen. However, they will never willfully destroy any property. I know the kids did not touch or even mess with the peppers or celery root. Things fall off those shelves all the time since the grocery store powers that be seem to think the best way to display stacked fruits and veggies is on a slant. Really, a slant?

So, what I learned is that my kids will get blamed for things that they did not do in snotty, stuck up grocery stores for the mere fact that they are kids.