Cosmic Laughing

Really? Are you kidding me?

After going through the miscarriage last year and having time to really just appreciate my family for they way it was, Kevin and I came to the conclusion that we were okay with things the way they are. Two boys. Perfect. We are all okay.

Then bam! Out of the blue...I am pregnant. Currently at 13 weeks. Baby is strong and healthy. I have already had 3 ultrasounds. So weird to be considered at advanced maternal age due to me being 35 when the baby is born. However, it is pretty cool to see the baby so often.

We did not tell anyone about this new baby until now. Not even the boys knew until Sunday. I am a touch paranoid and of course I really do not have a physically easy pregnancy. I am blessed that for the most part every bad feeling I have is "cosmetic." I do no have any real health issues, for me or the baby. Being sick all day, every day is awful. This time I am not taking any anti-depressants as I have been off medication for well over a year now. Depression is terrible and insidious. I think I may be turning the corner.

Now to the really funny part...

Kevin and I did a lot of talking and thinking over the last year. We decided that what was best for all of us was to not have any more kids. I started giving away all the baby clothes, most of my baby furniture sold at consignment. Kevin had a vasectomy in December.

Again, really?

So, I have determined that my sense of control over my life is actually a very pretty illusion. There are greater forces out there at work. Kevin's procedure was about 3 weeks too late...I was already pregnant. Good for him we did not know that at the time. Now knowing what all is entailed I am not too sure he would be so quick to agree.

There you have it...an auspicious start for who will be our youngest and very last baby.