Not Meant to Be

Sitting here I am trying to write this post. Not easy for me to do. This is going to be the hardest update for me to write.

Late Friday night I had a miscarriage. I do not have too much to say about this other than I trust God to know what is best. I am physically fine and while the whole experience has been unpleasant and very sad there was really no pain. I think the most traumatic moment of this whole thing (after fully understanding what was happening)was my somewhat brief trip to the ER. I learned the very hard lesson that my ER does not give a crap if you are bleeding all over the waiting room floor.

Suffice it to say that I left the ER so I would not be further humiliated and could go through this process in the privacy of my home. I was in contact with my doctors office and I am happy I made this decision. To all those who will read this I will go and see my own doctor tomorrow for a complete check.

Kevin and I are sad that we have had this experience but are very grateful that we have two wonderful, healthy, precious boys and that I am doing okay physically and emotionally.

Stinky Fingers

Thursday night Kevin and I (well mostly Kevin) had a real hard time getting the kiddos to get to sleep. The boys finally started settling down and we heard nothing but quiet...yeah! We thought all was good and then Kyle walks out and goes directly to Kevin. Kevin, being very aggivated tells Kyle very sternly to go back to bed. The rest of the conversation goes like this:

Kyle: Daddy...I have to tell you somthing...

Kevin: (Very aggrivated) Kyle, what do you have to tell me.

Kyle: (Walking over to Kevin) My fingers smell stinky (as he puts them under Kevin's nose)

Kevin: (Pulling head back a little) Oookkaayyy...

Kyle: My fingers are stinky like my hinny crack...

Kevin: Don't put your fingers in your hinny crack...

Me and Kevin are laughing so hard at this point we can hardly breathe...

School Playground or Bathroom???

Apparently my little one is confused between the daycare/school playground and the bathroom. Unfortunately, I think I have fostered this confusion.

Picking up my kiddos at school last week, my 2 year olds teacher very sternly tells me that he was sent to the office on a blue note. I, being very polite and attentive, ask the teacher, what did he do? She proceeds to tell me that he needed to pee when all the kids were on the playground. Not bothering to mention this to the teacher he just pulls his pants down and pees right there in front of all. Apparently this is very frowned upon at school. I of course burst out laughing before I can catch myself, earning me a very evil eye. I quickly adjust and sternly talk to him in front of the teacher. Talking to my son I ask him (remember he is 2), why did you not tell your teacher you needed to pee? He just looks at me like why...you let me pee outside all the time. To my amazment I realize that his accusing look is well justified. Just yesterday when we were out on the boat I was changing him from his wet bathing suit into dry clothes and asked if he needed to pee before I put his underwear on. He says yes so I hold him on the side of the boat and let him pee over the side.

Progressing Backwards

Generally when you are pregnant you count the number of weeks and in normal, logical fashion the weeks became greater with each one that passes. Apparently I am not having a normal baby this time. Much like Merlin (King Arthur's mentor) in the Once and Future King, whose life progresses backward (he starts out old and grows young)...my pregnanacy seems to be doing the same.

When my test came back positive I checked back to when my last cycle was and called the doctor. The doctor's office scheduled me to come in for an ultrasound and the initial appointment Feb 4, which would place me at 7 weeks pregnant. Alas as my doctor was doing the ultrasound he started asking questions like are you on a regular 28 day cycle, etc. I was like, ummmm no...why? He said that based on his exam I would only be 6 weeks pregnant. As such he could not establish heartbeat because the baby is way too tiny so he told me to come back in a week for another ultrasound to "establish viability." Okay, if that phrase does not scare the crap out of you....Anywhooo...I go back yesterday for my 2nd ultrasound and to "establish viability,"...and guess what...yep..I am still 6 weeks pregnant. No, I am not kidding. The ultrasound tech did all the measurements and was able to see the heartbeat very faintly but would only place me at 6 weeks pregnant.

Now, I get to go back in 2 weeks on Feb 25 for my 3rd ultrasound to "establish growth" this time. Yea, you would think all the ultrasounds would be cool, but no. There is really not much to see and these ultrasounds are not of the on top of the tummy variety...they are the other ones. Great.

So, not only am I pregnant with a child who is apparently going back in time I get to be pregnant that much longer. I am thinking I would be at least 8 weeks by now but oh no, I am just 6 weeks (again and again).

I am pretty sure I burst into tears after leaving the doctors office. I am not a good pregnant person. In fact I really dislike being pregnant. I am grateful that I am a relatively healthy pregnant person, with little to no risks or complications but this is all really hard to take when I am constantly running to the bathroom to be sick..and/or feel like I have the flu all day everyday with no end in sight (I had the same ickiness with my other two for 20 weeks, yep for half of each pregnancy). Unfortunately I had a bad reaction to the nausea medication this time and I am quite sure I would rather vomit than have the other stuff I got.

Meet the Robinsons...A Kid's Movie???

We rented this last night figuring you can't really go that wrong with a Disney movie, not a movie from Pixar in conjunction with Disney, but a pure Disney movie. Looked pretty good, animated, with space ships, time travel and cool inventions. Kevin and I thought Kyle was enjoying the movie until at the end he all of a sudden burst out crying and came running to me. Running to me is pretty unusal for Kyle because if something scares him he generally goes to Kevin. Anyway, Kyle comes running to me, crying, and lays down on the couch with me. Kevin and I were shocked because there were not any scary parts in the whole movie and particularly in the part we were watching. Had no idea was he was crying until we finally got out of him..."why is the mama leaving the baby?" Now, if you have seen this movie you know the main character is left on the door step of an orphanage as an infant by his mother. The movie shows this scene again towards the end. I could not believe it when Kyle finally got out what was so upsetting to him. So now, we have had to have a discussion with Kyle on why some children have to go to orphanages and why these children's mama's have to leave them. And a discussion about how I am NOT leaving him. I am still upset with this Disney movie. On the plus side, we pretty much knew Kyle is our sensitive child...we are definetly sure of that now.

Twins???

Kevin and I just don't see it...EVERY TIME we take the boys out at least one person asks us if the boys are twins. Again, we just don't see it....

Backyard Camping

Kevin "took" the boys backyard camping last Saturday. Our friend Chris and his son Brendon joined in fun. Had the whole set-up...tent, fire and marshmellows. Kevin, Chris, Kyle and Brendon all actually slept in the tent...Todd, the child after my own heart had enough of that once the fun was over and slept in a real bed, inside the house with me!