A Conversation With Todd

Warning...you may need an interpreter for this one.

This morning as I was finishing getting ready for work, Todd comes into my room carrying two pairs of shoes. One pair is his regular tennis shoes he wears to school everyday. The second pair are the new dress shoes that Pappi bought him. However, the new "dress"shoes look a whole lot like fancy tennis shoes (these particular shoes are the only ones he would agree to get after tying on like 5 other pairs of dress shoes...these got the seal of approval because well, one, they are comfy and two, they make him run fast). I generally do not let him wear these to school as the playgrounds he plays on are filthy and have a tendency to make nice, new dress shoes look crappy. My husband, to avoid the 20th fight of the morning with Todd will occasionally give in and let Todd wear the shoes to school. I guess this morning Kevin was not going to cave, you know, since he did yesterday.

In my house, when Todd and Daddy are arguing (every dang morning!) Todd's solution is to come to me and get me to settle the problem. No different this morning...hence the two pairs of shoes he was holding when he came into my room.

Todd: "look at me, I need to change into brown pants." (The child is already fully dressed minus the shoes...and we are all running late)

Me: "why...I like what you are wearing, you look so handsome."

Todd: "no I don't...this outfit looks nervous."

Me: "ummm, sorry, nervous?"

Todd: "yes mama, nervous. And these shoes (his blue and white tennis shoes) do not match!"

Me: not yet speaking to Todd, um, you are wearing blue shorts and a white polo with blue trim..."honey, how do they not match?"

Todd: "I need brown pants and shirt."

Me: Totally not getting where this is going..."sweetie, your tennis shoes match fine, please put them on."

Todd leaves me and goes straight to Kevin...holding up his brown dress shoes (I am presuming as he does like to gesture with objects...wonder where that comes from...). In a somewhat triumphant voice..."mama said I could wear my dress shoes."

Huh? I think my jaw actually dropped a little. How in the world did he get that from our conversation. I did correct that statement with a "no I did not say that."

Five minutes later....wailing from the other room...Todd: "I want mama to tie my shoes..."

Apparently I am the only person in the whole wide world who can correctly tie Todd's tennis shoes. And of course he tells whoever else is tying them that they did not do it right.

On another note...Todd rolled out of his bed a few weeks ago and banged his mouth on his stool. Did not have the first clue as he never cried or complained about falling out of the bed or his mouth hurting. Right before Easter I caught a glimpse of his mouth when he was talking. Guess what? He did not hit the outside part of his mouth...oh no, he hit his top two teeth. One worse than the other as his top left tooth is completely gray. I am getting seriously creeped out as I wonder if this child who looks so much like me is going to repeat every stupid thing I ever did. As a young child (I'm sure some will remember) I took it upon myself to soap the bathtub so I could ice skate. Being oh so wise at my tender young age I did not calculate that the tub would be so slippery I could not possible even stand with out falling. Cracked my chin and mouth of the side of the tub. Damaged my top left tooth. Turned the sucker gray. Since I then went on to hit the tooth again, have a root canal and then have my top two teeth surgically removed...I am seriously hoping Todd does not continue to follow my path.

Between Todd's grey tooth and his funky twang...I am positive I am living with a redneck.