Friday, January 1, 2010

Could Be Us

My heart just hurts today.

Last night I found out that little Gabriel passed away yesterday after developing severe complications after having his Glen open heart surgery 2 weeks ago. Although I do not know Gabe or his parents personally I feel connected to them.

Gabe's mom Lisa contacted me many months ago when she was searching for blogs about HLHS babies. Unbelievably she found mine. We have chatted and shared stories off an on as our busy lives would allow. Lisa's story very closely follows my own. She found out about Gabe's heart in utero and had many months to adjust. Gabe was born August 17, 2009...just two days before Carolena was born. Gabe had to endure an early surgery but recovered well and after a few weeks went home to be with his mom and dad.

Gabe was a strong, happy little boy. Very much like C in that he did not require a lot of monitors or meds at home. He also was bottle feeding and doing pretty good at it. When he went into surgery 2 weeks ago he was smiling, laughing, discovering his hands...very much a normal 4 month old. Now, just 2 weeks post surgery (the same one C had), Gabe is an angel in Heaven.

I do not understand or know why. I only know that I am reminded everyday to love, hug and appreciate all my kiddos as we never know how long we have with them.

Before C was born I never had a thought that I would have to watch my child die before me. I never even understood what so many parents go through. You may think I am being dramatic or over done or wonder why I would care so much about a family I have never even met but here is the thing...when you have a child like we do, we all end up being connected and what happens to them is felt by us because they are the ones who can truly understand what we go through.

I am praying for Lisa and her family.

I am crying because Gabe left too soon and it could be us.

If you would like to read more about Gabe please see


Anonymous said...

Nice post & nice blog. I love both.

Lisa said...

Thank you for this post, Ashley.
I hope that all is well with you and Carolena and your family.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Ash, that is so sad. I looked at Lisa's blog ... what a precious little boy he was. I can't even imagine what they are going through. I will add them to my prayer list.

Aunt J

crunchygranolamama said...

I am so sorry to hear about little Gabe. I too lost a daughter to HLHS. She passed on July 2, 2009. If they need to talk to anyone who has been through this, please have them contact me at crunchygranolamama (at) yahoo (dot) com
It might help to read my blog (I've heard it's helped others). It's
Kaia's story is in the may-july archives. There are communities who can help. I am now working with trying to bring awareness of CHD to the general public through word of mouth, blogging and my art (

It brings a new perspective to the tragedy when you are surrounded by others who have been through this. There are some groups on's communities dedicated to CHDs as well. There's one for all CHDs and there's one for HLHS. They have helped me in the healing process TREMENDOUSLY, as each of them understand what it means to be a heart parent. And sadly many know how it feels to lose your heart baby. Please pass my info along. It can only help the parents when they are ready. I'm sure they need to grieve a bit first.

They're in my prayers.