Thursday, November 5, 2009

Ruminating

I have this blog for me. I write what I want because I can. I try very hard to not pass judgment on others because I am not God and God is the only one who can impose judgment. I do not appreciate sanctimonious, holier than thou, self righteous people passing judgment on what I believe.

Last I checked I live in a country that not only allows but celebrates religious freedom. So many citizens have lost their lives protecting our freedoms, including our freedom to have whatever relationship with God we choose to have. Should you feel compelled to leave a comment on any post I write dealing with MY beliefs, please do so in a manner that tells me what YOU believe and why. Do not leave me comments about how I am wrong and I should change my mind.

Now that I have that out of the way, I have a few more things that I have been thinking of.

1. If God already knows and sanctions how everything is going to turn out, what exactly is the point of praying. Is God going to change His mind simply because I pray for a more favorable outcome for me? Does a whole group of people praying have more weight than a single person praying? I choose to believe that God does not have everything all mapped out yet...that praying does make a difference.

2. I believe that Jesus would be the very first person to say that He is not perfect. He would say He could have worshiped more, studied more, helped more. I do not think Jesus ever intended for us to think he was "perfect." I think all the trials He went through were to show us that even though we are not "perfect" we still must have faith that God exists and that we have a chance of ever lasting life in heaven.

3. Even though my belief that God makes mistakes runs counter to every popular religious belief, I choose to hold on to my thought that God is fallible. I have problems thinking that God is punishing me for some misdeed I have done. From all that I have seen if God was the punishing sort then all the "bad" people would have long since been struck down.

4. I also choose to believe that things do happen for a reason, that there is not total randomness at work. I think God sees all and is willing but not able to keep all evils things from happening.

5. I am no different (better or worse) than any other mother who has a child with health issues. I do not have the market on being angry this happened to me. I am allowed to feel as I do. There will be people who are in worse situations than me, saying what is she complaining about, look at my problems. But there will also be people who look at me and my child and think, thank goodness that is not me. I think everyone has the right to feel what they feel and not have other people tell them to suck it up it could be worse.

6. I think it is very easy for someone who has never had their innocence shattered or their lives rocked by traumatic events to pass judgment on those lives have been touched by tragedy and who do question God and their beliefs. In my experience the people who are spouting sanctimonious crap are people who have lived nice, normal, boring lives where nothing bad (but nothing really good) has happened. I think it is very similar to the person who believes that a murderer can be saved and should not face the death penalty until that person's loved one is terrorized by the murderer. It is amazing to me how quickly that person is willing to see that same murderer they thought should be saved now be put to death.

7. I think God wants us to question our faith and beliefs. We can never grow in our faith if we are blindly lead around like sheep never questioning why things happen. God gives us free will. I think he intends for us to use our free will to find the right relationship with God for each of us.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

YOU GO GIRL!!!!! I forgot to say in yesterday's comment that I have questioned so many things about God thru the years. I have learned that for me, there are no answers, because the answers come from humans, who just don't have the answers. They have opinions and beliefs, but not real answers! As I've grown older I've learned to accept alot of things and just rely on my faith and in what I believe. I do think God gives us free will to make choices and live our lives and that he can and does make a difference in our lives thru prayer requests. I still have a few burning questions that haunt me sometimes, but I no longer get angry and scream at God. I'm thankful for that. I think it's a healthy, good thing that you are questioning and learning what you are right now. I wish the circumstances were different for you, but I think and hope it will help you find peace in the long run. It did me. You are so precious to me and I know that not only God, but two very special angels are right there with you girl. And one day we'll have all the answers. Love you!

Aunt J

Keysgal@QuietWater said...

Nobody can understand what you and Kevin are living through right now. Even others going through similar experiences don't know WHAT IT FEELS LIKE FOR YOU AND KEVIN. I pray every day that God will give you the strength to face into whatever you need to deal with. Frankly, in reading your posts I have come to understand that you have great faith in God. But me knowing that has nothing to do with you. Faith is a personal thing that is between the person and God. I will never forget an answer you gave to one of the email quiz things: Q. If you could talk with one person today who would that be? Your answer was Jesus. That had such an impact on me and I remember thinking WOW. You are right, no one has the right to judge. And no one can transfer their belief and their avenue of faith to you. Everyone's perception is unique. Keep on posting your thoughts. Keep them coming. Doesn't matter if someone doesn't agree with you. These are your thoughts, your comments and that is what matters. Much love to you.

*pab said...

Faith, relationships with God, belief structures about religion, etc.,. are intensely personal; why else are they forbidden topics at a dinner table? :) (*j/k*) I agree that we all have a direct, personal relationship with God; and the nature of that relationship is not anyone else's business.

Laura said...

Questioning was never an option growing up with the GG's. I myself think it is healthy and promotes a greater depth in our bond with God. The only way our faith can grow is if we question and find REAL answers.True faith needs to be tested by questioning...how else do we truly feel secure enough to cling to it in times of trouble, unless it is PROVEN to be solid?

You DO have every right to feel anger about your circumstances! I think you have handled this emotional rollercoaster with far more finesse than most would. You have been strong and courageous, even when you may have felt that this was too difficult. I have told you before and will say it again...You and Kevin are heroes in my eyes!!

So many times in my life, I look back at events that seemed so difficullt and pointless. Some of them still are a mystery, but some of them reveal the wisdom of God. He may have answered my prayer with a "No", or a "Not right now" and I couldn't see the wisdom there. In retrospect years later, it is obvious that He was guiding me all along and knew what was best for me AND when it was best for me to have it.

Ashley, I am glad you allow me this glimpse into your life and your emotions, through this blog. I am honored that you trust me to "handle those with care". Please, keep the thoughts coming and don't hold back. I know it helps me to understand what is going on in your world and hopefully, it is helpful to you to "vent" here, as well.

Love you bunches!

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